Friday, February 11, 2011

If I could keep time in a bottle...

That's one of my favorite songs. Along with the Pina Colada song. Ok, and a few more. I've never been big on having ONE favorite anything! I try to find value in all things. But that's another topic...

Where does the time go? What do I do with my time? Why does it seem to be wasted and what am I really accomplishing?

I was listening to Keith Green, one of my favorite Christian artists. He was introducing a song and he was talking about the creation of the earth. How, the bible says it was 6 days and some people say it is literally 6 days and others say that was impossible, etc. He said that he didn't really know but that he knew that Jesus had been in heaven preparing for us for 2000 years and that if it only took 6 days to create this entire world, that we're living in a garbage can compared to what He's been building for us for 2000 years! Amen to that, brother!

So Jesus has been preparing for us all this time. And what have I been doing? Getting up, crawling out of bed, change the babies, feed the babies, play with the babies, put babies down for a nap, check email, Facebook, maybe take something out to defrost for dinner, get babies up from nap, feed them, play with them, greet husband and make dinner, clean up babies and dinner, play with babies, put babies to bed, clean up AFTER babies, then sit around like a zombie doing or reading mindless things until I can't keep my eyes open anymore and I beg my husband to go to bed with me. Then I lay there for a while awake, trying to relax and go to sleep, trying to make sense of it all. Sounds like a pretty fulfilling life, huh? Um, not really.

Now I don't think that staying home and taking care of my children is not a worthy occupation. In fact, I am grateful to be able to do so. I love seeing their little accomplishments each day. I love greeting them when they wake up and I love all the little hugs and kisses I get. Having twins has really forced me to get some kind of schedule and be a little bit organized or I'd have big trouble! But, I always feel like I could be doing more with my time.

This is evidenced by the number of books on my shelf dedicated to organizing and time management, saving money, books on how to have perfect children and marriages and the perfect life... You get the idea. And yet, I fall into the pattern above more days than not. I don't ever feel satisfied. I don't ever feel full of life although I am surrounded by it. I want so much more but I don't know what.

Did you notice what was missing? I do. It's time. Time with God. Time reading His word and writing it on my heart. Time learning to be a daughter of the King. Time in prayer and solitude with The Giver of Life. Time with the Only One who can give me purpose and worth.

Without Him, I go about my day doing but never really "being." I spend all of my time crossing tasks off my list, using all of my energy and mind-power (what's left of it anyway) to make sure my children are safe, warm, clothed and fed, but I never take the time to be renewed and refreshed by Our Holy Father. I never take the cool water that He offers. The very thing that would give meaning and value to what I do all day, I ignore. And in doing so I feel empty. Worthless. Wasted. And alone.

My challenge, starting tomorrow, is to wake up before everyone else to spend time with The Creator of Time. In this season of winter, both in the natural and in my spiritual life, I have been hearing the gentle call of God to get up and meet with Him in the morning. I have been resisting, making excuses, saying I will get around to it when... But the call has been getting louder. This week I have been inundated with messages about getting up in the pre-dawn hours to meet with God, to read the bible- His word and to pray. There may be tears involved in this but I am trusting that He is going to make it all worthwhile. Here's goes everything, including my time.